Friday, January 6, 2012

Desert Spider's Song

Upon my return to the southern swampland

I realized I had taken a home


The plant was new to me and gorgeous

and I selfishly stole for a mere memory


I wanted the desert with me always

I never wanted to forget


The pictures in my mind of the beauty,

the splendor

the freshness of the crisp air

the mountains' energy


It just wasn't enough for me

For my mind's pictures are often tainted

with black smudgy fingerprints that belong to someone else


Warped and blended with past, present and unknown futures

that may or may not affect what I see

what I hear

what I feel

who I am


I took and demanded

I don't even remember asking the universe

if it would be ok


That's something I normally would have done

with more time

to think

to focus

to heal


But I rushed and took and was careless

Careless not in the way that is safe

careless because it is how I'm being taught to behave


I discovered a living thing
a creature
a tiny desert spider
alive and well in his home

How did he survive for all of those days locked in a
plastic zip lock bag, still clutching on to the small branch,
his home?

I will never know

But he made it

He seemed calm and peaceful
and not upset at me or anything

Just living in the plant that was his home

He probably took no notice to any changes
He just knew he was safe because his branch was there
The tiny pod he slept in was still there and he probably figured
he'd figure out what was going on later

That's how a lot of us are
as long as we're happy we'll figure the rest out later

And I envy to be that way always as well

I was sad to discover the spider
I was sad I had ripped his home from it's land

So I made amends with the universe,
apologized to the spider

And set the bag out open hoping he'd learn how to adapt and survive
in this new environment
this humid land
Florida
where negativity seems to abound everywhere
no matter where you try to hide

I awoke in the morning
to check on my spider friend

He was dead

Clutching on to his home in the corner of the bag

I believe the air just killed him

He never had a chance

So he stayed home

Safe in the bag

Safe in his pod

And probably crawled out to see the sunrise one last time

In this new place


He was alone in the branch when I took him

And I imagine he was an old spider and was happier to have been alone

when he passed


I lament now

not for his life

for I truly believe he is happy now

and was happy to have gone on such a big journey

and will hold no hard feelings toward me


I lament and cry for me

and am thankful to this spider

this living creature

for reminding me


See how easily we can ignore living things
for our own mere enjoyment and amusement

for our precious and fragile minds that forever seem to forget?


And then see how we are reminded
when a life is lost
how way more precious that is
than any moment we may have missed out on because
we were so careless?

It's never what we are doing really
it's who we do them with
that make them so special and memorable

I do not want to forget
ever, ever
never again

And it starts in my heart
for I feel it tingling

The voice is clear and speaks to my foggy brain
in a language only I can understand

I choose to share with some
and keep the rest to me

Never out of fear or doubt
but for love

Love and respect of myself and all I hold dear to me

Small and large visions and treasures

That I feel all should see

Sooner or later or eventually

When stars align and songbirds sing

when tears turn to laughter

when storms pass

when a soft wind touches your being
and not just your face or hair

Now

The best time to appreciate all and everything
is always, always, always right now